Ok so I got a new computer & thought I had lost all my log in information, but I found it!!!!
Brief update, Things are going great, boys are getting bigger & bad!!!! And we are having another baby! And IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!! Miss Shelby Lisa-Ann is due on April 23, 2009!!! Now that I have found all my log in info, I will keep this more updated!
Well what can I say? Things are still going good. Ben is FINALLY taking vacation time, so he will be home for 10 days!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!! I can’t wait to spend some time with him. We are leaving on the 3rd when he gets off of work & going spend the weekend with his dad in Mississippi. We haven’t seen him in FOREVER!!!!!
The boys are enjoying the summer, even though every 5 minutes I hear “I’m Bored!” Koby turned 8 on June 20th. I wonder where the time has gone.
We are still not pregnant, which it’s getting frustrating. Especially when I keep dreaming I’m pregnant & I can feel the baby moving.
Things between Ben & I are great. We have our ups & downs, but what married couple doesn’t? But we are committed to making this work, no matter what happens. He is just the most amazing man.
And I still have the world’s greatest friends. They are always there for me. I love them so much.
And my Izzy B. Wow!!!! almost 6 months old ALREADY!!!!! I look at her sitting in the swing & I fall in love with her all over again. And seeing Ben with her is just AMAZING!!! He loves her so much.
Well that’s my update. Same old thing going on. Nothing really new.
Well, I decided to take a test Friday. Showed nothing. Left the house, when I came back home I glanced at it…well VERY VERY VERY VERY lightly I see a line. So I walk to the kitchen test in hand & asked Ben to come look at it. He saw it too!!!! So I test again this morning & same thing, but this test is lighter than the 1st one…so Ben runs back to the store for more tests. I will be testing again tomorrow morning. AF is supposed to rear her ugly head tomorrow & I’m 14 DPO (Days Past Ovulation)…so now it’s just a waiting process. So keep your fingers crossed that it is a definite BFP!!!!!
*Oh, Koby can see the faint lines too!*
UPDATE AT 8:00 PM JUNE 16, 2008
I know have 3 faint positive HPT’s!!!!!!
Instead of posting 2 blogs on the same day I figured I’d post 2 in 1.
When I woke up this morning I got alot of messages on my status on MySpace. My status was “Wondering Why Nobody EVER Wanted Me”. Now I’m not posting this for attention or for sympathy. I’m just getting this off my chest. I recently found out that when I was 8 years old literally NOBODY wanted me. My mom was going into the miliatry & so she signed over custody to my dad. My dad obviously couldn’t take care of me, so the family sat around trying to figure out what to do with an 8 year old little girl. Until my nanny said she would take me in. Made me wonder last night, am I that unloveable? Am I that horrible of a person? I was bounced from house to house, school to school from the age of 7 years old. And people wonder where I get my insecurity issues from. It all just sank in last night…NO ONE WANTED ME. Wow…that’s hard to swallow.
Now for part 2 of my blog….
I am so blessed, throughout all I have been through & all I have done. I have the most wonderful husband, & the most wonderful friends in the world. And Tonya, this is mainly for you. We have gotten so close since Izzy has been born & I can kick myself in the ass for waiting so long before we got back close like we were when we were little girls. But I’m so glad I have you back in my life. You are always there for me, NO MATTER what it is!!!! What would I do without you??? We are so much alike it’s scary lol. Even our kids are just alike & are the same ages. I love you to death & I want nothing but happiness for you, cause you of all people deserve it. You are an amazing friend & there are no words to describe how much your friendship means to me. I’m honored to be Izzy’s nanny. Thank you for sharing her & your life with me.
Now I’m not leaving the rest of my friends out. Brandi, Stacie, Christee….ya’ll have been there through MAJOR parts of my life & have stuck by my every decision I have made. Ya’ll have told me when I was wrong & when I was right. I love you guys dearly.
And Ben….my god, what can I say about you? You have married one fucked up girl & as I get older I realize more shit about my childhood that either I didn’t know or chose to forget. You have been there throughout everything & have constantly been my rock & my support. I don’t know what I would do without you. I’m sorry that I have not been the perfect wife for you & I keep saying you deserve so much better than me. But for some reason you stick by me, maybe you are a glutton for punishment lol….or you are trying to show me what love really is. Maybe it’s both. All I know is you are always there when I need you. I love you more than you will ever know.
Well today it was pouring down raining…so bad to where the lights went out for a little while. Well, once they power went out I opened my door so I can watch and see what was going on. Lights come back on, wind and rain is kicking ass, pouring down sideways. Brady walks to the door to look at the flooding, yes there is flooding, and he exclaims in his little voice “Mama there is a turtle in the grass!” So I get up and go check. Yep sure enough, there is a turtle. So now needless to say, we have a new pet. Still unsure of the name though. I want Squirt from “Finding Nemo” and Brady wants Michaelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Ben wants to name him Raphael from TMNT, so Koby will be the deciding factor.
Well as many of ya’ll know my bitch neighbor has been calling the cops on me everytime my dog barked. Yesterday was twice in 1 hour!!!!! Well my landlord informed me that I had to get rid of him ASAP. I was devistated. I’ve been having him since he was 6 1/2 weeks old. We drove to Alabama to get him. He was my Christmas present, my dream dog. He was perfect. Ben, who hates dogs, allowed him to sleep in the bed with us & everything. The boys loved him. To get rid of him was just something I didn’t think I would ever have to, or could do. So with tears streaming down my face, I posted a bulletin on myspace….Free Beagle. A few people reposted it for me to spread the word. Well my wonderful, wonderful cousin Beca sends me a message, saying she would take him since her son Conner had been asking for a dog. I was so happy that someone I knew wanted him & I know would take care of him, after all he was my baby. So I told her they were more than welcome to come over & see him & see if they did in deed want him. Well, Snoopy being the cute loveable, floppy eared dog he is, of course they wanted him! Who wouldn’t (besides the bitch next door)?! So around 6:15 pm, Snoopy left to go to his new home. When they pulled out of the driveway, Koby & I started crying. I looked over at Ben & he started crying. Once we calmed down, it was normal routine, cook supper, do dishes, bathe. Well after Brady took his bath, it was his turn to cry. He wanted to know why the lady next door had to be so mean that he had to get rid of his 1st pet & the only pet he will ever love. How do you explain that to a 5 year old? All I could tell him was since he made us happy it was time for him to make Conner happy cause Conner didn’t have a brother or sister to play with like he did. A few mins later he stopped crying. Koby went to bed not long after, followed by Brady then Ben. I will miss that dog dearly. I have snagged pics from Beca’s myspace of Snoopy’s 1st night in his new home & added them to his folder on my pics. Maybe one day I’ll delete that folder. I just can’t bear to do it yet.
To Beca….thank you so much for taking him in. I hope he is the ideal dog for you, Conner & Ray. I know he was for us. I am sure I will be calling soon to go visit you & Snoopy. The boys already want to go play at Conner’s house. Which we should get together since Brady & Conner are the same age! But thanks once again. I love you.
Yep you read it right…Mother’s Day weekend. Ben took off of work Friday. He took the boys shopping for me & they came back home & he knew I have been wanting a new camera, so he told me that I needed to go pick it out. He knew I wanted a new camera for the weekend, especially for Saturday because we were all going to New Orleans that day with Koby’s little girlfriend, Kaaren. Ben knew how hard this weekend would be for me since my mom’s 2 year anniversary was Saturday & Mother’s Day was Sunday. So we went & I got the new camera that I wanted. Come Saturday we went pick up Kaaren & headed for New Orleans. We went to the Esplanade Mall & he bought me a Cinderalla shirt at the Disney Store. I love it!!!! Then we headed to the Riverwalk. While we were walking in the Riverwalk Shopping Center we passed by a store called Victorian Lace, now if you know my mom at all, you know she loved Victorian things. When I saw this store tears came to my eyes. Well while we are the shopping center at the Riverwalk, Koby, Kaaren & I went sit outside to enjoy the great weather. Ben & Brady bought us all smoothies. While we were out there a tug boat passed by and the name of the boat was “Shelby”. Ben said it was a sign. Brady decided then he needed to go to the bathroom, so Ben brought him. When they got back Ben had a bag in his hands. I asked what was in the bag & he gave it to me…another present. It was from the Victorian Lace store. It’s a wall hanging in Battenburg Lace with Posies on it with the saying “Mother Her Love Is The Heart Of the Family”. I cried. This is something I would have bought her. He knew that and he bought it for me. This touched my heart like he will never know. I’m not into Victorian things, but he knew the meaning behind this. After we left the Riverwalk, we headed on to Zephyr Field to watch the Zephyr game. We had a blast. Well, once the sun went down it got COLD. Now my mom hated hot weather & the day after she died on May 11, 2006 a cold front came through & it was cold . Now all of you know in May there is no such thing as a cold front. So I’m sitting in the stands shivering & getting the chills cause it is so cold. Another sign from her. Today I got my Izzy B back. Ben let me sleep late, even though Koby did not (I wanted to beat him!!!! LOL!) Koby woke me at 5 am with the present he made for me at school. A book he made with 5 or 6 pages in it. Ben gave me their cards. As bad as I thought this weekend was gonna be, Ben has made it into one of the best weekends of my life. I was so worried I would be such a bitch this weekend, but I think I did pretty good. I can honestly say I had such a wonderful weekend. Ben was so supportive of me & held me when I cried & all I could say was “I miss her. It’s not fair. She’s supposed to be here.” And he laughed at me when I was laughing. This has been one of the best weekends of my life & I have my wonderful, adoring, supportive husband to thank for it. For Tonya….thank you for giving me your daughter on your day. It means more to me than you will ever know. I love you dearly & I’m so glad you had a great day. Like I said….YOU DESERVE IT!!!! For Ben…you will never know how much I love you & how much you mean to me. Thank you baby for such a wonderful weekend. I love you.
I wrote this on my MySpace page Monday night and I’ve just found the time to post it here. Get ready for drama!
Well, today started off as usual, fixing Brady breakfast, after he came in the room to let me know what Snoopy chewed on, thus ruining during the night. Take a quick nap & then check myspace. Normal routine. Or so I thought. There are certain profiles I go look at on a daily basis (and no I’m not telling you if you are one of them), so I clicked on my mother in law’s myspace & then clicked on my sister in laws. Her profile has always been set to private, and sometimes she left some funny things in her extended network. So I click on it & it wasn’t private, so I thought “Wow she finally added me as a friend.” Nope, wrong, she just didn’t make it private anymore. Well upon reading her profile, I became extremely pissed. Here is what she had
“And Ross and Steven, thanks for being the best big brothers I could ever imagine. I don’t know what I would do without you guys, and I’m glad I still have two brothers who are there for me. Thanks, too, Brittany and Lauren for putting up with them and not going psycho like those before you have, and for being good [future] sisters-in-law. I love you guys!”
OMG, I saw red. Yes, I have messed up, but who are you to judge me? Are you perfect? No I don’t think so, even though you would like to believe that you are. You call yourself a Chrisitan & you love Jesus with all your heart, well that certanly doesn’t show it.
I AM SICK & TIRED OF ALL THE BULL SHIT. YES I CHEATED ON BEN, BUT IF HE CAN FORGIVE ME WHY THE HELL CAN’T YOU? SO NOW, I’M OVER IT….THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN’T GET PAST WHAT I’VE DONE, WILL NO LONGER BE IN MY LIFE OR THE LIFE OF MY BOYS. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE, GRANDMA, AUNT, UNCLE, COUSIN. I NO LONGER GIVE A SHIT. IF YOU CAN’T OR WON’T GET PASSED IT, THEN FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!! AS OF MAY 22, 2008, MELISSA KATHRYN ASHLEY, YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH MY CHILDREN. YOU WANT TO BE A LITTLE BITCH, WELL THEN GUESS WHAT, YOU ARE PLAYING GAMES WITH THE BITCH WHO WROTE THE RULES OF THIS GAME. AND GO BACK & RUN & TELL YOUR MOM, I CAN GIVE A FUCK LESS, CAUSE WE ALL KNOW YOU WILL NOT HAVE ENOUGH BALLS TO SAY THE SHIT TO MY FACE. AND YES, BEN & I AGREE ON THIS!!!!!! AND 2 BROTHERS YOU CAN COUNT ON? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIME WE PAID FOR YOUR DANCING LESSONS? HOW MANY TIMES DID WE BRING YOU TO DANCING? SEEMS LIKE YOU FORGOT ALL OF THAT SHIT?
Now, for the rest of my day, after a few messages & comments & phone calls, I received a phone call from my Nanny. She wanted to know where I lived so she can come talk to me. So she showed up around 4:30 or so. She has managed to give me the best news I have heard in a long time. I will not say it on here, cause I’m sure nosy bitches want to know. But let’s just say, things are REALLY looking up for Ben & I.
Wow…what a day!!!!!!!!!
Ok well I was out of internet for awhile, so now I’m back and here is the latest update: Nothing new has really changed over here, except for the fact that my house is probably the cleanest it has ever been! No internet = clean house! LOL! Well I had nothing else better to do with my time! LOL!
We are still trying for a baby.
I’ve been getting to spend LOTS of time with my precious Izabella, thank you Tonya!!!!!! I can’t believe she is already 3 months old!!!! Seems like yesterday Tonya was calling me crying cause she missed her baby & now she’s calling me wanting to know when I want to take the baby!!!! LOL!!! Oh my Izzy B, how can you not fall in love with her. I love every single moment I get with her & I thank God Tonya trusts me enough to leave her with me & allows me to keep her daughter. Words can’t express what that lil angel means to me. And if I never have a girl on my own “Aunt” Joni will definitely spoil my Izzy B & she will be my baby girl forever.
There’s really nothing else to tell, things are still the same over here, everyone is doing good & is healthy & I’m still happy!
